still in crisis, haven't heard back from car place about car. Maybe it's not a crisis, maybe I'm making it one. Either way, I'm still not on the road. There's nothing like sending multiple texts and calls to a place that won't give me a status report. I have no options at this point. I don't have money stashed, I have poor credit. I just called a friend Ted that might help, a Bethany answered. I called Vermont number again only to get a changed or disconnected number. I'm about to say FML, but there is some glimmer of hope. My friend Chris teaches at BOCES, which is near where I used to work. If I could get a ride from him, and get picked up at BOCES. I may be able to make some money, while I'm waiting for the car deal to resolve. I have a fuel pump sitting here too, for a possible Neon to drive. I spent $140 on it, and I have no place to fix it. Maybe Chris can help me there too. I must call him. On top of all of this seemingly BS, is the fact that my on and off again Ex-girlfriend, has decided to give her new boyfriend a chance to have a relationship with her.it's a messed up thing, or at least it was. She wanted the freedom to do what she wanted meaning, if she wanted me to come over(which I did) I could spend the night. Only problem is she was staying over to her possible new boyfriends' place if she wanted to. I went through a whole spectrum of emotions, fear, jealousy, hate, hope happiness, loss. I feel like I'm invisible to most of the world, I've asked facebook that has 300+ friends to help with rides or a garage. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! They either don't have it, or they can't help. Seems ridiculous that I don't have the resources I need to succeed, at least for right now. 3:50 pm Crisis may be averted, called Chris, he can give me a lift, if there's work. That's if my old boss doesn't do an all-or-nothing on me. Meaning he may not have me work if I can't be there the hours we wants me there, I can only do 8-2, due to my ride. Waiting on that, or else I slip back into my dark place.

back blogging after a 3-year hiatus. I read the last entry about losing the job. Since then I've had a few jobs, and a working car. That is up until my car finally broke a few weeks ago. Since then I've had that crisis too. I still have the no work in Whitehall thing, except there may be some hope. I had the car towed to a place that has used cars for sale. I may get a Focus ZX5 in exchange for detailing services. Everything being a process, the first step was to get a title. Last I spoke to the owner was two days ago, and there should be one coming hopefully sooner than later. I'm chomping at the bit to drive again. The trick is what to do in the meantime so I don't obsess.

Drama

it's quite unbelievable how my life goes...the last entry was me saying how I had this great job, and how I was going to get out of a funky situation. Between the last time I blogged, and now I lost that job. I was sleeping, and was going to sleep until 11am, the call arrived at 10:30, assignment had ended. I felt so angry, yet relieved at the same time. I was happy that I didn't have to work 3-11 and go on 10 hour days, and maybe Saturdays. I was crushed to not have an income stream. If I lived closer to a bigger town, I might have had a shot at finding work right away. I live in Whitehall, there isn't much, at least without driving. I really am a mess now, seriously, I thought it was bad before. It's ok to be a mess when I am actively working on cleaning it up, I haven't been. It took all I had just to take a walk to town. I bought a paper, I haven't touched it yet. I've been reading old papers. I have been promoting my song, I have a radio interview.

Well I can't believe it

this crisis may be ending soon. I had a financial crisis....I now have a job that pays 11.86 an hour, and I'll be working 10 hour days soon which means OVERTIME at like $20 an hour. It's easy work. The hours suck though, I'm trying to get up early so that I can do some music promotion too. Today I'm lethargic. I was reading a blog today about how a songwriter was disgruntled. I can relate. I wrote a tune in the old-school way that I was was brought up. Everything is now Justin Gaga. I don't even know what hip-hop beats are, and I don't care...

Searching

Tuesday morning finds me sitting at the computer with a newspaper and a cup of coffee. I am unemployed, and have been for about a week. The last job I held was being a seasonal helper for UPS. I picked up my last paycheck on Friday, knowing that the following days might be rough. First of all, the area that I live in is not known for it's employment. There's only so many people, and only so many jobs. So going out of town is usually the answer, even though I'm able to do that, I haven't found anything.
A friend of mine Danny, has hired me to do some work on his Mom's car. I think she wants to sell it, and I have his coat. I will return the coat, and probably do some detailing and make $20, of course it will cost $10 in gas to get there. I must then try and apply at some other places in Glens Falls or Queensbury.

wow it continues

well, it seems as though I was going to start a new blog, and when I went to blogger, I saw this and forgot I even made it. It's now a bigger crisis, because...the last one hasn't quite abated(ended). I am now living at home...with my Father. I used to live here years ago, then I moved out, now I'm back. It's very depressing at times, and at times it's not too bad. I don't have much, just some belongings that I've accumulated over the years. The sad thing is, these are things that I've been sort of meaning to get rid of. When I got evicted in Nov. 2010 they had to come with me, I stored most of it, and was angry that I had no access to it, or a place of my own to bring them to. Then I moved into a house, and stored them. I moved into a smaller place and couldn't really keep it there. I moved it all to a place in Shokan, which i had to move out of, and now....FML it's in this house. So I sit in the upstairs of my Dad's house. I feel like such a complete failure, yet I've been assured that it's important to have people that care about me...especially seeing as it was just the holidays. I'm glad I touched base with the crisis chronicles again.

the latest

well, today I woke up really early, but I couldn't move. I feel pretty crippled with depression. I started clearing out some things, and I started finding books. I started reading, and just basically felt lethargic. I had no drive. I took most of the day to even go and get breakfast. A few things set me off. Wanting to get up and write, and not having the energy to even start. This is the most writing I've done today. My second mistake was grabbing an old issue of US magazine. This thing put me into a mad depressive state. I'ts a long story, but I like to write stories, and there's this new movie with Anne Hathaway out, and she's gorgeous, but there's sex scenes in it. Now the article was saying how the writing is horrible, but the scenes are hot. It made me think, why bother writing movies, if people don't care about a story. If Hollywood is drenched with sex scenes that override story. It sickens me...Then I go to the Subway, they are playing Hanson's Mmmm-Bop. As a sort of musician that never made it, or never tried hard enough, I detested hearing it. I was like "wow what poignant lyrics". I was even going to run, that usually puts me in a better mood. I didn't even feel like running. things are just nasty depressing. I just have to play it where it lies.